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points by sapphire4 13 hours ago | 0 comments

I wish there were a handbook for single introverts in their 30s who feel like that ship sailed a long time ago.

Everyday is a new day. Start today. Thank your previous self for getting you here. For making you question past decisions. Change. Take a risk.

[–] lukan 12 hours ago

I believe there are millions of them?

But not sure how helpful they are.

My advice is, go dancing. Learn to enjoy your body and how to move it freely for fun, then you will find a likeminded body to enjoy together. But depending where you life, finding a good place to dance with nice people and not just drunk idiots can be a bit harder unfortunately.

[–] randycupertino 11 hours ago

Triathlon clubs are another great place to meet people. My club has has 8 weddings this year from people who met training. Turns out chatting over an 80 mile bike ride is a great way to get to know someone.

[–] casualscience 12 hours ago

LOL, this obsession people have with dancing. This is horrible advice. Find a club or social scene doing something you like, don't pick up a random hobby you don't like just to "meet people".

[–] allenu 11 hours ago

Dancing is good advice because you have a good mix of genders and it's something you can grow to love over time. It's also a great community that's fairly welcoming once you start going regularly. Take a class and you automatically have a social group of other beginners.

The problem with nerds finding a social scene for what they already enjoy doing already is that there's a very good chance it's going to be a male-dominated activity. Going to a tech meetup or a board game night is a decent way to make friends, but not so much a mate.

[–] lukan 12 hours ago

I just share how I successfully meet and connect with women.

Dancing is the language of the body. I don't like small talk and am probably a introvert, but by dancing - connection comes easy and natural to me (at the right place).

Besides, the village dance was the traditional way for couples to hook up. And before that, there was the tribal drum.

[–] kakacik 11 hours ago

I met my wife during climbing. Many girlfriends before due to organizing climbing sessions for various folks. Go climbing. Its just natural movement, sort of like vertical ballet on the wall, feels absolutely great, one does semi-continuously builds massive mental resilience to everything in life, since looking in the face of your death and coming out on top, multiple times an evening, many evenings, builds character like very few other endeavors. People you meet in community are often very inspiring. Its also high intensity interval training for upper body.

And then you try climbing outdoors on rocks big and small and thats it, people quit their careers and do vans/camping for rest of their lives just to do climbing (plus connected sports, there are many).

Can be many other activities, dancing ain't more special than many others. I'll stick with my climbing, you with your dance. Everybody wins.

[–] lukan 11 hours ago

Oh, dancing with rocks is advisable as well and I also enjoy it very much.

[–] casualscience 12 hours ago

That's great, I met my partner at the gym, doing something I like and consequently became good at.

Sounds like you like dancing. Congratulations and I'm happy you met someone doing something you like. That's a good strategy.

As far as village dance blah blah, people absolutely meet at parties, lots of people also dance at parties, correlation is not causation.

[–] lukan 11 hours ago

"As far as village dance blah blah, people absolutely meet at parties, lots of people also dance at parties, correlation is not causation."

Maybe do some more casual science on social history?

But you surely can meet partners however you like and not everyone needs to love dancing, but the "obsession" people have with it simply goes back a looong way.

And aside, I actually do claim anyone who is not physically handycapped, very likely enjoys dancing if introduced to it in a easy way (look at how most children behave if you give them a rhytm), most grownups nowdays just associate it with awkward social situations, which I think is sad. I know some fellow nerds of mine, forever single, forever avoiding all situations where they would meed potential partners.

[–] casualscience 9 hours ago

Lifting weights is a way to show physical dominance. Physically dominant men provide security and safety to women meaning they will be seen as the best mates. Throughout history the most physically dominant men had the most sexual success. Therefore I recommend you don't dance and lift weights instead.

See how fucking annoying and dumb this bro science is. Dancing is nothing special, just happens to be a social activity YOU like and I agree a lot of women like it. But the advice to "learn to like dancing" if you don't is bad.

[–] lukan 9 hours ago

Not sure how open you are challenging your perspective. Because in some ways, yes lifting weights does work for a certain subset of women.

But if you take the dominance angle, dancing works better here. Because it shows dexterty, moving along with other people .. and self confidence in a social setting. Knowing how to dance through life. Not awkwardly stand aside. And lifting weights (on its own) is just a indicator of muscle mass, not muscles in combination with brain, which is evolutionary much better. Otherwise we all would have evolved as big bulls.

[–] idlewords 12 hours ago

I recommend being entombed in salt

[–] lukan 10 hours ago

Besides activity, another advice would be mindset.

As in, are you ready to meet your dream partner today and invite him to your home?

No? Not ready? Place is a mess and you are not really comfortable opening up in the first place right now?

Then this would be something one can work on.

Does not mean your place needs to be always perfect and a date does not have to start by inviting someone in. But are you actually ready for it?

What is it, that you really want?

While I was single for a long time, I was neither clear nor prepared for a partner, yet yearning for one. That did not work. I had some growing up to do first.

[–] fragmede 9 hours ago

In all ernest honesty, ChatGPT's not the worst at that.

handbook for single introverts in their 30s who feel like that ship sailed a long time ago.

https://chatgpt.com/s/t_6aefa63600608191ba730f78533db177

[–] mmooss 9 hours ago

Here's the most important thing (if I may say so myself :) ):

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=50408802

The ship hasn't sailed at all. You're mid-20s are gone, of course, but don't waste your 30s worrying about your 20s; fully embrace this moment and this phase of life (not that phases are so tightly tied to age), even the sad parts.

[–] b112 12 hours ago

Here's a handbook excerpt...

Time seems to go faster, the older you are. When 5, a day lasts enormously, a month forever away.

When 30, a day is still noticeable. When 50, a day flies past. When 70? A week vanishes so very quickly.

A bitter truth of age, is the older you get, the less time you have left? Well, the faster that time seems to move to you. It's as if the more you try to hold on, the faster it goes away.

There are ways to improve this. New experience is one. Doing the same thing every day, with no challenge or change, just makes life fly by.

You can be an introvert and still experience loads of new and of change. Trust me on this. And as a geeky introvert, you have a mind to learn daily, and more importantly, learn different things, not just tech.

But I guess what I'm saying is, do indeed "live more", but do it as you. Don't let these weirdo extroverts make you dance to their tune.

[–] HPsquared 11 hours ago

To use the language of relativity, each person's internal "clock" seems to slow down as they get older.