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My parents chose to die together and I was left to grieve alone(bbc.com)

36 points by onemoresoop 11 hours ago | 24 comments

I worked on health care admin tools for a bit, used in hospitals and nursing homes. I learnt there are lot of people super scared of death, even if they have been in and out of system for 20-30 years and barely functioning physically, they will still call the doc, go through 20 tests and ask for treatment options. And there are all kinds of opportunists and parasites within the healthcare system who will take advantage of it. One of the accountants would say its thanks to that crowd, the firm we worked at stayed afloat. I got out of there as quickly as I could. Humans are some weird ass creatures. Death is a feature. Not a bug.

[–] nianzhibai 7 hours ago

Profiting from anxiety and fear is a common phenomenon.

[–] watwut 9 hours ago

You got out of healthcare, because you realized people want to live?

[–] expedition32 4 hours ago

At any cost? In my country we are open about what happens in nursing homes so old people fill out that euthanasia request. Death is a thousand times preferable to one day with Alzheimer's.

[–] moi2388 2 hours ago

To you perhaps. I want to live.

[–] silverFork 1 hour ago

Nobody forcing anyone. Your wishes are your command.

But many people preemptively seek out a clean ending but many don't have the access when the time comes. Where I am from, many people who are terminal nowadays have big a family reunion or neighborhood party with dancing and all that jazz the day before the ending. Not that I have been to one but I heard about this stuff when visiting someone in hospital.

For many people dying in hospice is not what they look forward too. Dying as mother Theresa would like is not everyone.

[–] 1718627440 1 hour ago

> Nobody forcing anyone.

That's incredibly naive. People do not make choices in a vacuum.

[–] silverFork 1 hour ago

Of course it is not in a vacuum. We are all product of some cultural views or apposition to it. You make assumptions about wishes of others. You can't make people live what you believe in. The choice has to be yours for your wishes and theirs for their wishes. Most people who practice this are terminal. Dementia is terminal.

[–] saidnooneever 8 hours ago

its easy to say until the grimnreaper comes knocking. Sounds more like coping that rationalizing.

[–] Borg3 7 hours ago

Do you realise that you actually going to die? Sooner or later. The question is not about death, but quality of live. If you suffer because of illnes that cannot be treated and your life quality cannot be increased to acceptable levels, there is nothing wrong to choose death.

Most people are health enough they cant imagine how bad life can be if you suffer every damn day, and you are at mercy of others.

[–] watwut 7 hours ago

The original story is about someone getting out of healthcare, because they encountered chronically ill people who really really wanted to live.

[–] mlry 3 hours ago

No. It was about someone getting out of healthcare because there they encountered the scum of the earth who would scam and fraud and exploit dying people with this wish to live.

[–] VSerge 9 hours ago

This article discusses the dilemma faced by people with dementia and Alzheimer's. - decide while you are able to make this decision, but then it means it's very likely too early to die - wait until your cognitive abilities have declined to the point the more able version of you would have wanted to die, but by then you can't make that decision anymore

It seems like a mostly solved problem, in the Netherlands and Canada at least, where people can make advanced decisions that waive the need for a final agreement at the moment of euthanasia itself.

[–] aitchnyu 1 hour ago

Can you cite "mostly solved problem"? I read that this Dutch woman, in June 2024, were worried they cant consent when her dementia advanced.

[–] ColinEberhardt 8 hours ago

It’s a terrible dilemma. But Dementia is such a slow, painful and undignified death - that has such an emotional toll on those around them, I wish other countries followed the Netherlands lead.

I know I would choose this path. Not just for myself, but for the good of those around me.

[–] hostcontroller 7 hours ago

I propose the opposite of a dead man’s switch – if you don’t press it, you die.

[–] silverFork 9 hours ago

You have consider that everybody is terminal and that they had a choice and that they didn't suffer. The best is to remember them for the good times now. Sorry for their loss.

[–] abstractspoon 9 hours ago

If I went this way I would want the period between injection and unconscious to be longer so that I could ponder my last moments and greet death head-on. In fact I would like there to be no unconscious period, just a slow period of dying and then 'pop' I'm gone. I literally want to experience my death.

[–] cmrx64 8 hours ago

You would appreciate reading Who Dies? An investigation into conscious living and conscious dying, if you have not already.